One of my friends forwarded this to me (below, not the picture above); he got it from a Christian friend of his in southern California who thought it uproariously funny. We agreed, and the friend who sent it to me also forwarded it to, among othes, a Jewish friend of his, who also thought it hilarious and, unkown to my original friend, passed it on to one of my original friend's neighbors. Got all that so far? Well, this neighbor is a rather steadfast conservative Christian, and, upon receiving such blasphemy, he fires off a scathing E-mail to my friend (who didn't know it had reached this guy at all) lambasting his making fun of innocently corrupted children or something like that, and telling him in no uncertain terms that my friend was no longer welcome in his home.In retrospect, my friend should've seen this coming; when he visited this neighbor of his before the whole incident to chat, he finds the TV tuned to Fox News, and not for entertainment purposes. Fox is interviewing Karl Rove, and my friend says something to the effect of "That's the worst man on Earth" just to get a reaction. The Christian neighbor replies, "What do you have against him?" Perfectly straight face.
Republicans out there won't get this, while Democrats will understand all too well. For the record, I'm neither, but even us centrists don't like Bush very much. Anyway...
Here's the E-mail:
"Subj: Fw: Exam Paper excerpts from a Catholic School
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1.
IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2.
ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3.
LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4.
THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5.
SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6.
SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7
MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
8,
THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT
CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9.
THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10..
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11.
MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12.
THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13.
DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
TIMES.
14.
SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15.
WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16.
WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17.
JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18.
ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19.
JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE
BY SWEAT ALONE.
20.
IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21.
THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22.
THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23.
ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24.
ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25..
CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY."
"Subj: Fw: Exam Paper excerpts from a Catholic School
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
1.
IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2.
ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3.
LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4.
THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5.
SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6.
SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7
MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
8,
THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT
CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9.
THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10..
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11.
MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
12.
THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13.
DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
TIMES.
14.
SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15.
WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16.
WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17.
JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18.
ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19.
JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE
BY SWEAT ALONE.
20.
IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21.
THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22.
THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23.
ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24.
ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25..
CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY."
I wouldn't be at all surprised if these were fabricated (where would elementary schoolers learn about cyanide?), but even so the idea's hilarious!
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