Notes on X-mas from an Irreverent Boy Scout

Ah, Christmas: house full of friends and family you haven't seen in six months (or three years in my uncle's case), living room buried under mounds of boxes and strewn wrapping paper, plenty of food, plenty of alcohol, surprisingly little bickering, although I don't believe we were cooped up long enough for that.

Anyway, after dinner we congregated in the family room around the "large" 47'' LCD flatscreen (my lobbying for a larger television has thus far proven futile).  The CD/DVD player had been playing Louis Armstrong and Elvis Presley all night, but some enterprising cousins quickly reconfigured it with Life of Brian, much to the delight of the rest of us--much of the family is composed of ardent Monty Python fans.

We quoted punchlines with raunchy abandon, laughed at Pontius Pilate and Biggus Dickus, and all sang along at the end: "Always look on the bright side of life-hwu hwu, hwu hwu hwu hwu hwu hwu", such great advice.  Chuckling, I ventured into the kitchen to find one uncle (the three-year-away one) sitting thoughtfully by himself.  "Don't like the movie?" I asked.  He shook his head.  "No, it just seems kinda disrespectful right now," he replied.  I shrugged and made for the ice cream.

Only later did I pause to consider what he'd said.  Disrespectful?  Well, it was a Monty Python parody, wasn't it?  I suppose exploring and exposing gaping leaps of faith in Christianity on the night of the birth of Jesus could be considered more than a little blasphemous, but on second thought very little in Life of Brian makes fun of Christianity itself--it's more the followers of Brian, the hapless "Red Sea pedestrian" who, despite his best efforts, becomes a "prophet".  John Cleese has a particularly insightful role as a ringleader of Brian's people when he says, "I say you are [the messiah], Lord, and I should know--I've followed a few."  Besides, Jesus wasn't actually born on December 25, was he?  As far as I've seen, the exact date of birth is in dispute, with figures ranging from November 17 to January 6 to May 20, and Roman Christians moved the date to assimilate the pagan's winter solstice.  I'm personally not sure how disrespectful Life of Brian is in regard to Christmas, but I can't help wondering if maybe X-mas (my independent, agnostic, and, no doubt, heretical label) is the right time for such a movie.

After the end credits rolled, I watched the group split into groups and enter into vigorous discussion on a range of topics, from health-care reform to the recession to cultural relativism vs. universalism.  The families represented a wide spectrum of political, religious, and social perspectives, from conservative to liberal, Baptist to Agnostic.  At the counter, my grandfather recounted to several eager listeners how he and my grandmother escaped North Korea during the Korean War, losing a brother to arrest (they never heard from him again) and hiding under bridges during American bombing raids.  At a table, my mother and several others discussed the stock market, while several uncles reminisced about their grandmother's racist views and debated the role of race in current events.  Nearby, a friend was explaining how Catholic Mass worked, having helped organize one the night before.  I bounced from group to group, taking in new insights and interjecting my own thoughts whenever I felt the whim.  And I thought: this is the spirit of Christmas.  Not commercialization, not globalization, not Nativity, but being together with family and friends, freely and respectfully discussing matters of interest on into the night.  It gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling, the kind you get when you meet someone new whose thinking totally gels with yours, or when you perform a random act of kindness.

Not to say that Life of Brian was responsible for any of this, but now I think it was somewhat in the spirit of things.  Laughter and solemnity are very much in demand these days; laughter for when we struggle, solemnity to acknowledge the deeper moments in life.  And so it was on the night of December 25.  We enjoyed the comedy of Monty Python and then settled down for serious discussion.  And if bringing together opposing viewpoints is blasphemy, I'll eat my X-mas tree.

Happiest of holidays, no matter what political affiliation or religious views you subscribe to!

For the record, I'm agnostic and not entirely in keeping with the last tenet of the Boy Scout Law: A Scout is reverent toward God.  But I'll touch on the issue of religion in the BSA later.

Hilarious Catholic Elementary School Exam Excerpts

One of my friends forwarded this to me (below, not the picture above); he got it from a Christian friend of his in southern California who thought it uproariously funny. We agreed, and the friend who sent it to me also forwarded it to, among othes, a Jewish friend of his, who also thought it hilarious and, unkown to my original friend, passed it on to one of my original friend's neighbors. Got all that so far? Well, this neighbor is a rather steadfast conservative Christian, and, upon receiving such blasphemy, he fires off a scathing E-mail to my friend (who didn't know it had reached this guy at all) lambasting his making fun of innocently corrupted children or something like that, and telling him in no uncertain terms that my friend was no longer welcome in his home.

In retrospect, my friend should've seen this coming; when he visited this neighbor of his before the whole incident to chat, he finds the TV tuned to Fox News, and not for entertainment purposes. Fox is interviewing Karl Rove, and my friend says something to the effect of "That's the worst man on Earth" just to get a reaction. The Christian neighbor replies, "What do you have against him?" Perfectly straight face.

Republicans out there won't get this, while Democrats will understand all too well. For the record, I'm neither, but even us centrists don't like Bush very much. Anyway...

Here's the E-mail:

"Subj: Fw: Exam Paper excerpts from a Catholic School

Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING.
IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS
THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED
OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1.
IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.

2.
ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.

3.
LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.

4.
THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.

5.
SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.

6.
SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.

7
MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS

8,
THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT
CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

9.
THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10..
THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.

11.
MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.

12.
THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.

13.
DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL
TIMES.

14.
SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.

15.
WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.

16.
WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.

17.
JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.

18.
ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.

19.
JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE
BY SWEAT ALONE.

20.
IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.

21.
THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.

22.
THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.

23.
ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.

24.
ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.

25..
CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY."

I wouldn't be at all surprised if these were fabricated (where would elementary schoolers learn about cyanide?), but even so the idea's hilarious!

The Controversial Contradictions of One of the Greatest Contributors to the Country

His very name evokes thoughts of Renaissance grandeur, Enlightenment ingenuity, and revolutionary ardor. He's a hallmark of American history, praised and memorialized alongside George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and others by all American schoolkids. His epitaph said it all, and yet left a lot unstated:

"HERE WAS BURIEDTHOMAS JEFFERSONAUTHOR OF THEDECLARATIONOF AMERICAN INDEPENDENCEOF THESTATUTE OF VIRGINIAFORRELIGIOUS FREEDOMAND FATHER OF THEUNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIABORN APRIL 2, 1743 O.S.DIED JULY 4. 1826"

Real patriot to die on July 4. No, seriously, Jefferson can safely be credited with establishing much of the vital groundwork that would become the United States we all live in today. Having just read Revolutionary Spirits by Gary Kowalski (detailing Jefferson's, among others, religious beliefs) and being in the middle of Undaunted Courage by Stephen Ambrose (about the Lewis and Clark expedition that Jefferson organized), I am even more enamored of this man and all that he accomplished than ever before.

So imagine my consternation when, at a dinner party recently, a guest of a friend, during a discussion about Alexander Hamilton and the Federalists (I know, very elite dinner parties), loudly declared that Thomas Jefferson was "a lecherous bad man" and a few other such insults. Now, being a history buff, I was no stranger to allegations of sexual promiscuity and moral hypocrisy (i.e. slavery), both of which are true, but I was sure that any American could still acknowledge the brilliant contributions Jefferson made to us as a people; whatever his faults, and there were many, he more than qualifies as a national hero. If it wasn't for him, religious liberty would be the butt of jokes at mainstream American dinner tables where prayer to a higher power would be a necessary ritual, the Union would never have expanded much past the original thirteen colonies, and the revolution for independence may well have taken a different turn. Of course, the aforementioned guest was an almost radically conservative Catholic (self-proclaimed; she considered her conservative boyfriend "liberal", which may be justified given his support for Obama), so religious freedom cannot have been a terribly big concern for her, and, in her view, manifest destiny would have carried the day (she had also called native Americans "savages" who deserved what they got at the hands of the US government). She, of course, conveniently forgot that Jefferson was a major proponent of expanding the American empire, backing the Louisiana Purchase against overwhelming domestic opposition and dispatching Meriwether Lewis to explore the new lands.

So, of course, a rousing debate followed; she aired all of Jefferson's dirty laundry, and I conceded that his hypocrisy was morally wrong (at this, she gave a massive sigh, as if to say that if I could justify that, I could justify anything), but I also rolled out Jefferson's endeavors as naturalist, scientist, politician, inventor, etc. and concluded by asking if she thought any of us were better qualified to write a formal letter declaring independence, or formulate a brand-new national constitution, or while we're at it running the country in an age of sail and horses!

For better or for worse, dessert arrived at that point, and the debate ended. I personally thought I'd held my end up, but I was still shocked, saddened, and a little vindicated that I had to rise to the defense of a personage like Jefferson; however villifiable, he helped create a nation where people could hold such insulting opinions freely, and that, I believe, is where his greatness lies.

End tirade.

One Year Later: My Morning - Monday, July 28, 2008

In remembrance of this shocking day, I reupload the blog post I made on Monday, August 20, 2008.

Jim D. Adkisson

I woke this morning at 6:45 A.M., West Coast Time, and went for my normal cross-country-training-regimen mile run before I left for orchestra practice at 9:00. At around 8:00, I was settling into the kitchen, opening the paper, listening to the radio I had just turned on for my mother (NPR), and came across a news article that I found rather shocking. As I read, I heard the same details being discussed on the radio, and started listening. At the time, I really couldn't form any feelings, it was all so shocking. But later that afternoon, I finally realized what I wanted to say.

First, here's what the Associated Press had to say:

" Police: Man shot churchgoers over liberal views
By DUNCAN MANSFIELD – 6 hours ago

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — An unemployed man accused of opening fire with a shotgun and killing two people at a Unitarian Universalist church apparently targeted the congregation out of hatred for its support of liberal social policies, police said Monday.
Knoxville Police Chief Sterling Owen IV said a signed, four-page letter written by Jim D. Adkisson, 58, was found in his small SUV in the church parking lot. The gunfire punctuated a children's performance based on the musical "Annie" Sunday, killing two and wounding seven.
"It appears that what brought him to this horrible event was his lack of being able to obtain a job, his frustration over that and his stated hatred of the liberal movement," Owen said at a news conference.
No children were hurt, but five people remained in serious or critical condition Monday. A burly usher who died was hailed as a hero for shielding others from gunfire at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church. Witnesses said some of the church members wrestled the suspect to the ground after he pulled a shotgun from a guitar case and fired three times.
Adkisson, who is charged with one count of first-degree murder, remained jailed Monday under "close observation" on $1 million bail, authorities said. More charges were expected.
Court records from neighboring Anderson County indicate Adkisson threatened violence against his spouse several years ago. In March 2000 his then-wife, Liza Alexander, obtained an order of protection against him after telling a judge that Adkisson had threatened "to blow my brains out and then blow his own brains out."
The woman's written request for protection, reviewed by The Associated Press, said she was "in fear for my life and what he might do."
The Unitarian-Universalist church promotes progressive social work, including advocacy of women and gay rights. The Knoxville congregation also has provided sanctuary for political refugees, fed the homeless and founded a chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, according to its Web site.
Owen said the letter indicated Adkisson, who neighbors said had previously worked as a truck driver, did not expect to leave the church alive. He added the man reported having no family or next-of-kin.
"He certainly intended to take a lot of casualties," Owen said. "He had 76 rounds with him."
Police said Adkisson carried a 12-gauge semiautomatic shotgun into the church in a guitar case, but it appeared no specific person was targeted. A search of his house also turned up a .38-caliber handgun, Owen added.
Owen said authorities believe the suspect had gone to the Unitarian church because of "some publicity in the recent past regarding its liberal stance on things."
Unitarians have roots in a movement that rejected Puritan orthodoxy in New England. Although individual Unitarian churches can vary dramatically in outlooks, most congregations retain a deep commitment to social justice, which has led many to embrace liberal stances on the ordination of women, civil rights and gay rights.
Adkisson lived in a surburb north of Knoxville, about a 20 minutes' drive from the Unitarian church in an established neighborhood of older homes and several other houses of worship.
The police chief said the shotgun was bought at a pawn shop about a month ago and Adkisson wrote the letter in the last week or so. But he added: "I am sure this is something that has been building a long time in terms of his anger."
He said the state recently sent a letter to Adkisson telling him food stamps he had been receiving would be reduced or eliminated.
Investigators were reviewing several video recordings of the performance by parents and church members. Owen said police would not release the videos nor Adkisson's letter until they have been entered into evidence.
The shooting started as about 200 people watched a show put on by 25 children.
Church member Mark Harmon said he was in the first row when he heard "an incredibly loud bang." He thought the noise was part of the play, then he heard another bang and saw a woman bleeding as he dove for cover.
"It seems so unreal," Harmon said.
Church members praised Greg McKendry, 60, saying he attempted to block the gunfire. Barbara Kemper said that McKendry, who died, "stood in the front of the gunman and took the blast to protect the rest of us."
Kemper said the gunman shouted before he opened fire, though police said others didn't recall him saying anything.
"It was hateful words. He was saying hateful things," she said, refusing to elaborate.
"Greg McKendry was a very large gentleman, one of those people you might describe as a refrigerator with a head," said church member Schera Chadwick. "He looked like a football player. He did obviously stand up and put himself in between the shooter and the congregation."
A second victim who died hours later was identified as Linda Kraeger, 61.
Officials said Adkisson was arraigned Sunday night and faces his next court hearing Aug. 5.
The shooting follows a December 2007 spree in which a man shot four staff members at a missionary training center near Denver, Colo., killing two, after being told he couldn't spend the night. About 12 hours later and 65 miles away in Colorado Springs, police say the 24-year-old man fatally shot a parishioner at a megachurch and wounded four others before killing himself. "

---END OF STORY---

If there's one thing that angers me, it's senseless hate based on beliefs. I am, as I have said before, also a Unitarian Universalist, and proud of it; UUs have a long and proud history of social equality, justice, and liberal views behind them, with much work still being done. But that originally is not what caught my attention; it was this--that someone had stood up to this reckless hate perpetrated by the shotgun-toting Jim Adkisson: Greg McKendry, a burly sixty-year-old usher who, according to witnesses, stepped right up and shielded others from one shotgun blast with his own body, a most selfless and courageous act. At the time, it still hadn't struck me that it was a Unitarian Universalist congregation involved; all my attention was focused on McKendry, a man church members are rightly hailing as a hero. I may profess to have a world view of things, but when I see or hear of instances in which people act or speak based on the conviction that their beliefs are superior or better than those of others, and hence give them the right to act upon or say so, it simply burns my heart, and I become mad, mad at hate, mad at such destructive and elitist attitudes. I can't put what I feel in my soul into words, but let's just say that, as far as tolerance and equality and fairness and kindness are concerned, the world is black and white; there is a clearly defined right and wrong, and those values are clearly in the right, as far as I'm concerned, and those who say different aren't in line with the American values of the same names. Gays and lesbians deserve the right to marry because they are people, they are like us, and they deserve, and we are obligated to give them, equal rights. By the same token, liberals, conservatives, and centrists all have the right to speak on what they believe in, in the case of non-government organizations like churches or congregations, and because of that right they must not be attacked, physically or abusively, just because someone disagrees and hates them. And to be attacked because of promoting true American values of freedom and equality, that simply galls me. I find it hard to feel sympathy for Adkisson, a hateful, spiteful man. True, life was not going well for him, but he also had seventy-three rounds of ammunition, and plainly intended to use it in a situation involving kids, senior citizens, and others. To do so out of hate, to me, is inexcusable. The matter of punishment will surely be decided elsewhere, and it is not for me to say what that should be, nor will I say what I think should happen, mainly because I don't know. It's times like these when people like myself pit their reactions against their values and virtues, in this case anger and calls for retribution vying with ideals of compassion, forgiveness, and understanding. Only time will tell. My heart, soul, and feelings are with the friends and families of the victims today, and with those who suffered through such a torturous event. It is my fervent desire that Unitarian Universalism will continue to be the chalice, the guiding beacon leading towards social progress, and not the NRA bulls-eye that Mr. Adkisson made the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church Sunday morning.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jOAQKzY-aOBqDspFkEAV_ZO65vZAD926PRRO1

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jOAQKzY-aOBqDspFkEAV_ZO65vZAD92730HG1

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jOAQKzY-aOBqDspFkEAV_ZO65vZAD92730HG1

most people don't know about this one: http://www.statejournal.com/story.cfm?func=viewstory&storyid=41724

Such an innocent question...

This arrived in my inbox via E-mail chain a couple months ago, before the election that sent a black senator from Illinois to the White House. I cannot claim credit for this sheer brilliance, nor can I pinpoint its origin, but whatever your political views, one must admit this is a very insightful text! In the spirit of these nonpartisan barbs, I've made the font purple. 

So, why did the chicken cross the road? 

BARRACK OBAMA: "The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change. The chicken wanted change!"

JOHN MCCAIN: "My friends, that chicken crossed the road because it was a maverick chicken, and it wanted to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road."

SARAH PALIN: "The chicken had to cross the road because it was not able to find a bridge. Alaskans do not build bridges to nowhere. If it wanted a bridge, it'd have to build it itself."

JOE BIDEN: "The chicken crossed the road to head back to Scranton."

HILLARY CLINTON: "When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from day one that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this isn't really about me."

GEORGE W. BUSH: "We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either for us or against us - there is no middle ground."

DICK CHENEY: "Where's my gun?"

COLIN POWELL: "Now there, to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite imagery of the chicken crossing the road."

BILL CLINTON: "I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?"

AL GORE: "I invented the chcken."

JOHN KERRY: "Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled as to the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it."

AL SHARPTON: "Why are all these chickens white? We need some black chickens."

DR. PHIL: "The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that it must first deal with the problems on this side of the road before it goes after the problems on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help it realize how stupid it's acting by not taking on its current problems before adding new ones."

OPRAH: "Well, I understand that this chicken's having problems, which is why it wants to cross the road so badly, so instead of having the chicken learn from its mistakes and take falls, which is a normal part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that it can just drive across the road and not live its life like other chickens."

ANDERSON COOPER: "We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road."

NANCY GRACE: "That chicken crossed the road because it's guilty! You can see it in its eyes and the way it walks!"

PAT BUCHANAN: "To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American."

MARTHA STEWART: "No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going or when it was going to cross the road. I had a standing order at the farmers' market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information."

DR. SEUSS: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did it cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it cross I've not been told."

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: "To die in the rain, alone."

GRANDPA: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was that."

BARBARA WALTERS: "Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we'll be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming tale of how it experienced a serious case of molting and then went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road."

ARISTOTLE: "It is the nature of chickens to cross roads."

JOHN LENNON: "Imagine all the chickens of the world crossing roads together in peace."

BILL GATES: "I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but also lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008, and this system is much more stable and will never reboot."

ALBERT EINSTEIN: "Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road merely move beneath the chicken?"

COLONEL SANDERS: "Did I miss one?"

- Cheers! -

Yet another outlet for political diatribe

I know there are too many political commentary sites out there, but I figure I may as well try and keep things a little more organized and focused.  With that in mind, Man-Eating Badger proudly presents Horizons, the religious/political splinter of Of Regurgitations and Nutshells! 

Here I'll give my take on what's happening throughout the nation, from the powerplays of the District of Columbia to First Amendment firefights in the suburban American Dream. 

When, of course, time allows ^_*

 - Man-Eating Badger -